Be a “Mapmaker”

The map is not the territory.

Classic children’s literature has a way of untangling complex ideas; core truths are presented to readers in a simple, yet memorable way. For example, in his timeless story of Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll penned these lines: “Alice came to a fork in the road. “Which road do I take?’ she asked.” Where do you want to go?’ responded the Cheshire cat. ‘I don’t know,’ Alice answered. ‘Then,’ said the cat, ‘it doesn’t matter.’”

The art of living and meeting goals begins with a designing a reliable map.
I often notice the pattern of good intentions often going awry when working with new clients. There are many explanations for this but if I had to summarize the common thread that runs through each situation, I’d have to say that what is missing is a clearly formulated plan, a roadmap, if you will.

A roadmap that not only establishes the rules but one that specifies an appropriate action plan. What’s true for clients is true for the rest of us, too. How can we stop procrastinating and follow through with our own “action plan?” Can we truly learn to change non-productive patterns, and if so, how do we proceed?

The answer lies, in part, by bringing our attention to our own patterns of reaction when procrastination occurs, and by reviewing our belief system, noticing how old beliefs continue to create dissonance with our new intentions. In some ways beliefs are like children. They play the same old broken tape day in and day out.

If the “tapes” persist long enough and hard enough in our conscious mind, these beliefs can wear us down. That, or else “negotiate a deal” with our minds; a deal that suits the old agenda.

Even the most thoughtful of among us can second-guess ourselves into compromise when the “old messages” get the upper voice in one’s mind. Add to this, memories and feelings of discomfort from the past involving similar experiences, and, well, it’s easy to see how the clear outlines about what goals to set, how to hold intentions clearly, and how to let go of outcome can quickly become very muddy — and difficult to chart.

Individuals that meet success with their goals have a plan. They anticipate problems. They know that self-discipline and self-punishment are two very different things. They know, too, that a certain amount of missteps comes with the territory is part of the learning process.

Successful maps are developed when responses that fit well into our agenda become part of our new daily practice. These responses are consistent. We learn to work with the ideas that make sense to us and are effective. Further, we continually notice our own behavior and understand how it impacts others.

Our new roadmap begins to reflect a preference to be proactive rather than reactive. We come to see our goals clearly and work toward them steadily. We choose not to be victims when circumstances or fate scatters our plans; preferring instead to pick up the pieces, create a new strategy, and move forward. We are serious about our intentions.

We practice what we preach by modeling the behavior we want to have: self-control, respect, fairness, and other such attributes. We also learn to maintain a sense of humor, as humor is the essential oil that keeps things in perspective. We learn to make peace with the past and we become willing to take risks in order to open up to core truths. We strive to be open daily to subtle changes and shifts in our interactions and energy levels; flexibility is the key here.

We see and appreciate the strength and beauty of individuals. We give emphasis to cooperation and understand that it is not our job to control, heal or fix anyone else except ourselves. Successful mapmakers believe in prevention and planning, just as they believe in living in the moment and accepting life as it shows up, rather than how we wish it had been.

Patterns of behavior take time to change. This is true for everyone. Process is process. Good choices are learned. Patience is essential. The efforts from beginner’s mapmaking efforts may take weeks before change is noticed. Our attitudes and shifts toward the positive change. Small movement toward a goal is still movement.

A positive attitude, a willingness to examine your own behavior and see how it affects the process, the willingness to make a commitment to be true to yourself, your values, and your integrity are paramount. The courage of your own beliefs is the first step. It will take lots and lots of practice to change your own behavior and habits. Practice leads to a greater sense of mastery and confidence.

The changes we wish to see begins with a change in our own expectation and behavior. Breaking old patterns isn’t easy but it can be done. Mapmaking is a skill. It takes hard work and it takes a lot of time, and practice. Without it, we remain lost. Having a firm foundation (clarity of vision) upon which to draw, successful mapmakers will step up as the owners of their dreams, goals, and aspirations.
Even with the very best efforts, human relationships will always have its moments of conflict and misunderstanding. Relationships can be messy, and sometimes, despite our very best conscious efforts, there may be times when the rockiest of paths is chosen.

Rocky paths are perfect learning experiences, too. And they have a place on the map of experience. We just need to be clear about the true nature of the map. Mapmaking can feel like we’ve stepped into Wonderland at times. But unlike Alice, with clarity, intention, and attention, we can figure out which road to take.

Afterall, we created a map that is perfect for our needs.

Love & Light
Kevin

http://www.visionlogic.net

The Art of Listening

Have you heard the saying?

“We have two ears and one mouth to let us know that we should listen twice as much as we speak.”—unknown

One of the most important skills to hone as a coach of executives and individuals is the ability to listen. Listening is not only about the words, but also about meanings spoken and not spoken, the tone of the voice, the speed with which the person expresses themselves, the breathing patterns, eye movements, energy patterns of light vs darkness, and the volume of and specific words that are chosen.

Each aspect brings something to the table of understanding and learning. The acuity developed to make these observations is the greatest tool I have to guide my clients to a better life.

Becoming a good listener can improve your employment, promotion and relationship opportunities.
Everyone wants to be heard. We all have opinions and ideas that often need a listener to help them grow to maturity. Sometimes it may be that it helps us feel respected or valued when we are heard by another. There are many varied reasons why being heard is important for us. Think about the people in your life and work.

With whom would you rather be stranded on an island or any place for that matter: a thoughtful listener and communicator or one that speaks constantly and rarely takes a breath? It is generally unanimous: the thoughtful listener wins!

With that person you thought of in mind, let’s discuss HOW we can become better listeners and WHY it will positively impact our world & work. The how is not all that easy. Developing good listening skills requires two things: one; we honestly recognize where we are on the good listener scale and begin to evaluate ourselves and two; we break old listening habits that are not working and establish new ones that enhance our ability to communicate and learn.

Recognizing shortcomings in our listening skills requires the help of trusted colleagues and friends. These must be people from whom we can hear criticism. Rarely do we realize on our own that we are not listening. Ask these trusted people to evaluate your listening skills. Do they feel heard by you? Do they feel you value their input, ideas and stories? Ask them both: why they do feel heard and valued and why not. Have you ever played the child’s game of Simon Says? It is all about listening.
One habit that may be recognized as hindering listening, especially when we are nervous, perhaps in an interview, might be that of finding ourselves thinking of how we will respond to the speaker instead of truly listening. We are so worried about our intelligent response that we can often completely miss what is being said. Another hindering habit is thinking of a similar story that we can relate. This often comes across as one-up-manship. Can you relate to a time when you told a pretty good story or offered an insight, only to have your “listener” immediately tell a bigger story? When that happens, there can be a sense that the listener does not really care about us, or what we have to share, but they are concerned only about themselves. Usually this is NOT the listener’s intension, but it can easily be understood in that negative manner.

Becoming a good listener is to evaluate ourselves with help from trusted friends, create awareness, and replace old habits with listening for the many aspects of what a person is trying to communicate. You will be amazed by what you can learn if you truly listen and observe with all of your faculties “Heart, Mind, Body, & Spirit”.
Once you have discovered some of your listening traps, start your self-awareness campaign. When you notice yourself thinking of a response instead of listening, stop yourself mentally and open your ears, heart and mind to what is being said. Realize that a good listener will be valued for taking a moment to consider what is being said and responding thoughtfully, and perhaps not immediately.

Now here is the WHY: It is more often in OUR best interest to have truly heard the information and to respond more slowly and thoughtfully. Think of times when you have said yes, committing yourself to a responsibility, and moments later could have kicked yourself for agreeing. What about being in an interview situation. Have you emerged from an interview and could not think of anything that they told you? You spent your energy telling them about yourself and probably selling yourself, but did you hear them? Do you have enough information to make a careful decision about accepting a position if they ask you? There are so many job seekers that do not listen and end up in a position that solves their problem of unemployment but they are underemployed, frustrated and unhappy. The same can apply to the opposite side of the desk with interviewers. Often, we tell the potential employee everything about the position and the person that should fill it and never really get to know who the candidate is and whether they will truly be a good match for the position and the company.

The WHY is about us. When we are good listeners we can have our minds opened to new ideas, we can learn fascinating things about the people around us allowing us to attract and create valuable connections and relationships, we can make more informed and thoughtful decisions. We have two ears and one mouth for very good reasons!
We can learn from the Native American “talking stick” that the words we use should be sacred as they create our world. Fewer words spoken in wisdom is better, so “shut your mouth and listen”, it is the quiet warrior that wins the war or get’s the game he tracks.

Coaches Challenge:
Put together a team of trusted colleagues to discover your listening quotient. Create self-awareness around your listening. Try this acronym: WAIT. Why Am I Talking ?
I am still working on practicing what I preach with truly listening in all contexts of my life (funny how often I forget this skill when with family). It takes practice and diligence to change.

Best of Luck

Love & Light
Kevin Brough